The Chrono Trigger Parodies
by Legendary Frog
Summary: A continuing series of Chrono Trigger shorts. Please R&R....maybe. -Part III: Magus' Castle now uploaded-
1. I - Proto Dome

Part I  
Proto Dome  
  
A Chrono Trigger Parody by  
Joseph Blanchette  
"Legendary Frog"  
  
  
AD 2300  
  
As we join our heroes, Crono (The quiet one), Lucca (The smart one) and Marle (the annoying one), they had just beat the Fonz...errr... I mean, Johnny in a race a across the ruined Hiway in the post apocalyptic city of Guardia. Actually, they lost the fist time, so they had to drive all the way back to the beginning to start over.  
  
Their adventure took them to a small building known as Proto Dome, which holds the Gate that can bring them home...  
  
  
Lucca - We made it!  
  
Marle - Where are we?  
  
Crono - Proto Dome. Didn't you read the prologue?  
  
Marle - Oh yeah.  
  
Crono - Do you really think the Gate is in this dump?  
  
Lucca - That's what the computer said at Arris Dome.  
  
Marle - The what? *giggle*  
  
Lucca - Computer.  
  
Crono - How do you know it's called a computer. We come from the year 1000.  
  
Lucca - Never mind that now, we need to find that gate!  
  
Marle - *giggle* I'm tired.  
  
Crono - Me too. Let's find a Ethertron.  
  
Lucca - I HATE those things! They're always so cramped.  
  
Marle -Yeah, your always pressed so tightly against the other person.  
  
Crono - I like it!  
  
Lucca - We can rest later. I see a room up ahead.  
  
*Walks to nearby room*  
  
Marle - What's that?  
  
Crono - It's a trash can!  
  
Marle - I LOVE trashcans!  
  
Lucca - Jinkys! It's a robot.  
  
Crono - Oh. Can we still use it as a trashcan?  
  
Lucca - Of course not! Wow, that's amazing! I was never able to create a hominoid robot before!  
  
Crono - What about Gato?  
  
Lucca - Who?  
  
Crono - Big fat purple thing? Sings a stupid yet catchy song and had a extendable punching glove that come out of it's chest?  
  
Marle - It gave me 15 Silver points before I blew it on candy! *giggle*  
  
Lucca - Oh yeah. That doesn't count.  
  
Crono - I see.  
  
Lucca - I need to get it working again.  
  
Marle - Why?  
  
Lucca - Because the Gate is behind that door and it pont open.  
  
Crono - How do you know there is a Gate behind the door.  
  
Lucca - I guess the author forgot the mention that part.  
  
Marle - He should pay attention.  
  
Lucca -This could take awhile.  
  
*Hours pass*  
  
Marle - This place is boring. Let's go back to the year 600 and visit that cool frog guy.  
  
Crono - Oh yeah. What was his name again?  
  
Marle - I forget. Toad or something. What a cool frog guy.  
  
Crono - Yes. Let's go back and meet Toad the frog.  
  
Lucca - All done!  
  
Crono - I don't trust this thing.  
  
Marle - Why? *giggle*  
  
Crono - It might try to kill us.  
  
Lucca - Robots aren't evil, people only program them that way.  
  
Crono - That's my point.  
  
Marle - Just start him up all ready.  
  
Crono - Hold on. I've known Lucca for a long time. She probully wants to start this thing up so she can have some sort of sick relations with it.  
  
Marle - Ohhh, Gross! *giggle*  
  
Lucca - Crono! That's disgusting!   
  
Crono - Oh yeah? That's a odd place for an antenna.  
  
*Lucca presses the "on" button*  
*Robot jerks around a bit. After a moment, springs to his feet.*  
  
Robot - I am awake.  
  
Lucca - Cool!  
  
Robot - Rebooting system.  
  
Marle - It's golden plating looks like some sort of gold! *giggle*  
  
Robot - Rebooted. I am R66-Y.  
  
Crono - What does it do?  
  
R66-Y - It is my operation to purge the planet of the destructive ways of the human.  
  
Marle - Let's call it Bobo!  
  
Lucca - What? No! Let's call it Cornelius!  
  
Marle - Bobo!  
  
Lucca - Cornelius!  
  
Marle - BOBO!  
  
Lucca - CORNELIUS!  
  
Crono - Ladies, ladies! Let's call him Robo! It's a cute name that hampers the seriousness the otherwise ass kicking nature of the character.  
  
Robo - My ID is not important. This world shall soon feel the wrath of my deadly, pain causing fists.  
  
Marle - How cute! Let's keep him!  
  
Lucca - He can be a new party member! Quick! Play the fanfare!  
  
Crono - Let's equip his with this robot arm we found in prehistoric times!  
  
Robo - I must acquire your IDs for record purposes before I proceed to end your pitiful and meaningless existence.  
  
Crono - I'm Crono. I was described as the "quiet one" in the intro, but now I can't seem to shut up.  
  
Marle - I'm Marle! Actually, I'm Princess Nadia of Guarida, but that sucked. So now I'm a dumb blonde with a sexy tube top! I made it out of bed sheets!  
  
Robo - Who is the subject with thick, oversized glasses.  
  
Marle - That's Lucca! She fixed you!  
  
Robo - Understood. Lucca, you shall merely be enslaved when my reign of terror ensues.  
  
Lucca - Can you open that door?  
  
Robo - I am not programed to open doors. I am only programed to terminate.  
  
Marle - Oh. That's to bad. You see, we saw a handle, but that required to much effort.  
  
Robo - What lies beyond the door?  
  
Crono - It's a wormhole that leads back home.  
  
Marle - To a village!  
  
Robo - A village? Accessing . People live in villages. There, I shall procedd with mt programing: wipe out the humans ,and take advantage of their women.  
  
Marle - It can be like a picnic! *giggle*  
  
Crono - Giggle one more time and I'll slap you.  
  
Lucca - Hey look! We didn't notice that huge computer console when we came in. It looks like a file archive!  
  
Crono - Isn't that suppose to be in Arris Dome? How did it get here.  
  
Lucca - The Plot Device.  
  
Crono - Oh. Because I find it odd that they have a file archive in a work station.  
  
Marle - How do you know it's work station.  
  
Crono - That's the way it was depicted in the Chrono Trigger Novelization.  
  
Lucca - Huh?  
  
Crono - By Legendary Frog. He wrote a expansive novelization of Chrono Trigger.  
  
Marle - Wow! He sound very talented, and no doubt very cute!  
  
Lucca - Where can we find this?  
  
Crono - See that link at the very top of the page? Just click "Legendary Frog" and there it is!  
  
Marle - I think everybody should read it, and leave comments!  
  
Lucca - Me to! And send money!   
  
Robo - Enough. I shall execute "Operation Fleshburn" in 5, 4, 3, 2.... *steps in a puddle* FIZZLE ............  
  
  
Crono - ....Anyway, about that computer.  
  
Lucca - Right. Let's see...  
  
Marle - Ohhh! A shiny red button! *press*  
  
Crono - What's that?  
  
Marle - Oh my god! That porcupine is destroying that model town!  
  
Lucca - Let's press that button that says "Day of Lavos" *press*  
  
Malre - Another porcupine!  
  
Crono - I think that's real.  
  
Marle - A real porcupine?  
  
Crono - No, it's really destroying Truce.  
  
Marle - Quick! Change the channel!  
  
Lucca - I don't think that will work.  
  
Marle - What should we do about it?  
  
Crono - Let's go in the Ethertron! I'll be in the middle this time!  
  
Lucca - Well, this is an RPG. I think we should try to stop it.  
  
Crono - I liked my idea better.  
  
Marle - But we only have 100 hit points!  
  
Lucca - Don't worry, we can spend hours leveling up.  
  
Crono - Sounds like fun!  
  
Lucca - I bet if we stop Magus in the year 600, we'll stop Lavos.  
  
Marle - Plot Device again?  
  
Lucca - Yep.  
  
  
So Crono, Marle, and Lucca reactivated Robo and traveled to the factory. They gave power back to the Dome and entered the Gate. What followed was a journey none of them would forget. Especially Crono, because he died and I bet it really hurt. But they brought him back using some sort of egg or something, so I guess it's okay.  
  
Tune in next time for another episode!  
  
Reader - What new episode?  
  
Legendary Frog - Of the CT Parodies.  
  
Reader - Your gonna do anther one?  
  
LF - I might.  
  
Reader - But this one was mediocre at best.   
  
LF - Really.  
  
Reader - Yeah. I mean, I can't believe you took a 40 minutes of your life to write this. Besides, you can't make fun of Chrono Trigger to much, people will hate you.  
  
LF - But I have a hilarious idea about the guys as the cast of Sinfeild.  
  
Reader - What is it about?  
  
LF - Well, Crono dates a person with big hands, Robo is upset at work, and Frog is that neighbor guy who makes those crazy entrances! Ozzie plays the part of Newman! And there's soup!  
  
Reader - Sounds stupid.  
  
LF - Fine then. I'll just let this conversation linger on so it's not funny anymore.  
  
Reader - To late.  
  
LF - Well. I would be seeing Jurassic Park III right now, but NOOOOOO! My theater is to lazy to have it show on opening day! The bums. Oh well. I'll stop. Then how should I end it? It needs to be awesome... I know!  
  
THE END  
  
By Joseph Blanchette  
"Legendary Frog"  
mortis765@yahoo.com  
  
7/18/01  
  
  
PS Oh, and if you really do have a idea for another parody, I might take it into consideration...  
  
-end document- 


	2. II - Millennial Fair

Part II  
Millennial Fair  
  
A Chrono Trigger Parody by  
Joseph Blanchette  
aka "Legendary Frog"  
  
  
AD 1000  
  
As we join our hero... well, he doesn't exist yet. The Super Nintendo is turned off.  
....  
.......  
...........  
....................  
  
... *click!*  
  
Let's see, start new name... Ah ha !That's better!  
  
As we join our hero....well, he don't have a name yet... I could be clever and name him Poopy, but I'll stick with Crono...  
  
Once again... *ahem*   
  
*impressive announcer voice*  
  
As we join our hero, Crono, he is fast asleep and is awakened by his bubble headed mother.  
  
Mom - Wake up Crono! The game can't start without you!  
  
Crono - But it's only noon!  
  
Mom - Get up Crono!  
  
Crono - Fine. Say, why did you name me Crono anyway? What were you and dad smoking?  
  
Mom - The game is called Chrono Trigger... figure it out.  
  
Crono - Give me my allowance.  
  
*Crono gets 200 G!*  
  
Crono - I don't want G! I want cash!  
  
*Crono gets 20$*  
  
Crono - I'm off to the fair to mess with some carnies! Later!  
  
(At the fair)  
  
Crono - I'll just stand here and mind my own business.  
  
Girl - Watch out! I'm the only object on the screen that's moving!  
  
*CRASH*  
  
Crono -Gee wilickers, that was painful.  
  
Girl - Ouch, my ass!  
  
Crono - You can't say that!  
  
Girl - This fic is rated PG-13. It's okay  
  
Crono - In that case...DAMMIT! Shit that hurt!  
  
Girl - My Pendant! I'm in big trouble!  
  
Crono - Is this it?  
  
Girl - Yeah! Your the best!  
  
Crono - No prob.  
  
Girl -I was wondering, this is my first time at a fair...  
  
Crono - What is it?  
  
Girl - It's a large gathering with balloons and games, but that's not important! I was wondering if I could join you!  
  
Crono - Sure, why not? I'm pretty horny right now.  
  
Girl - Great! I'm Nadia the Princess!  
  
Crono - What?!  
  
Girl - Uhh.. I mean... Natta....not a chance I'm the Princess!  
  
Crono - I'm Crono.  
  
Girl - I'm Marle! *giggle*  
  
Crono - Wow! That giggling and your air headed nature will in no way getting annoying later in the game!  
  
Marle - What's that over there?  
  
Crono - That's Gato.  
  
Gato - I'm Gato, I'm made of brass, f*ck with me, I'll kick your ass!  
  
Marle - How cute! *giggle*  
  
Crono - We'll come back when were at level 99 and beat it just by staring at it.  
  
Marle - Wants in the opposite direction?  
  
Crono - That leads to the prehistoric dance party.  
  
Marle - Sounds like fun! We can go there and used rehashed animations and call it dancing.  
  
Crono - Nah. The back of the box says we go to prehistoric times later anyway.  
  
Marle - What box?  
  
Crono - Uhh...hey look! Free food!  
  
Marle - Your such a pig Crono!  
  
Old Man - Hey! That's my food! Why you!!!! I'll be sure to testify against you in court if your charged with abducting the Princess after you saved her from the nothingness of time in the year 600 where they mistook her for the real Queen and there was a talking Frog and a fake Chancellor that was really a giant, yellow bug thing!  
  
Crono - Right! Like THAT'S gonna happen!  
  
Crono - Hey, there's my nerdy friend Thelma! She rides around in a fan and solves mysteries! Oh wait... it's just Lucca. She doesn't have a fan.  
  
Lucca - Hey Crono! Come try my lethal invention! It brakes you into trillions of little pieces and transports you several feet away! No longer will the act of getting up and making a sandwedge be a hassle!  
  
Crono - How do you have a transporting device in the year 1000?  
  
Lucca - Well, how does your hair stay so spikey when hair gel isn't invented yet?  
  
Marle -Hey! I hadn't said anything in awhile!  
  
Lucca - (woah! What a nice butt!) Say Crono? Where did you meet a cuteie like her?  
  
Crono - Back off woman! She's mine!  
  
Marle - I wanna try the transporter! *gets on pod*  
  
Lucca- All right then! *presses red button*  
  
Crono - Surly that cant be it.  
  
Lucca - Yeah, it's a short fic. And don't call me Surly.  
  
Marle (shaking) - ohh...I-I feel ....f-funny...  
  
Crono - Didn't worry, it's natural. We all give in sometimes. Just let it all go!  
  
Marle - What's happening?!? *pop*  
  
Lucca - She disappeared!  
  
Crono - Her pendant is all that's left.  
  
Lucca - Something must have triggered something in my machine.  
  
Crono - Well, this doesn't take a genius to figure out.  
  
Lucca - Yeah.  
  
Crono - That's right. We need to pawn this pendant to Melchior for crack and whores.  
  
Lucca - No... I mean the pendant caused her to vanish. You need to save her, Crono!  
  
Crono - Your right! If her pendant was left behind, then she might be alone, frightened and naked somewhere and needs my protection!  
  
Lucca - Your right! Besides, the game kind of lingers if we do nothing!  
  
  
So Crono got on the pod, pendant in hand, and went on a journey to save Marle. What a swell guy. Will Crono be sent to the same place Marle landed? Will he be able to find her? Can they return if he does? Will I keep on talking in this impressive voice? Why is the sky blue? Paper or plastic? Do you know the muffin man? All these questions will be answered.....whenever I feel like it.  
  
THE END  
  
Reader - That's it?  
  
Legendary Frog - Yeah, that's it.  
  
Reader - Dude... that sucked!  
  
LF - I guess it kindda did.  
  
Reader - Dern right it did.  
  
LF - I'll do better next time.  
  
Reader - You better!  
  
LF - All right.  
  
Reader - I mean, come on!  
  
LF - I get the point.  
  
Reader - I could pull a better story out of my...!  
  
LF - I'm getting angry.  
  
Reader - Oooohhh...I'm so scared.  
  
LF - You won't like it when I'm angry.  
  
Reader - WhatCHA gonna do, bore me to death?  
  
LF - RIBBIT! Wahhhhh!  
  
Reader - Dude... that sucked too.  
  
LF - Go away.  
  
  
  
By Joseph Blanchette  
aka "Legendary Frog"  
12/2/01  
  
PS: Please check out "Proto Dome," also my me!  
  
-end document- 


	3. III - Magus' Castle

The Chrono Trigger Parodies  
  
Part III  
  
"Magus' Castle"  
  
An official apology for "Millennial Fair" by  
  
Joseph Blanchette  
  
aka Legendary Frog  
  
mortis765@yahoo.com  
  
-----------------------  
  
AD 600  
  
Frog's Hovel  
  
Crono and co just retrieved the two broken parts of the Masamune, retrieve the Hero's Metal, obtained some Dreamstone from the days of the dinosaur, and fixed the legendary blade. Come to think of it, that might make a better story, but I committed to this now. I'm depressed... I wanted to write about Ayla....  
  
Anyway... *sniff*  
  
Crono - Hey Frog. We got the Masamune. Now we want you to help us, thus opening up dozens of painful memories that will slowly drive you insane.  
  
Frog - Doist thy know about mine past? I have let down mine kingdom before, thou shall not do it a second!  
  
Crono - C'mon? We did all those mini quest to fix the damn thing, the least you can do is have a dream sequence!  
  
Frog - Perhaps thou art correct. Let me sleep on it.  
  
Lucca - But... we sleep at inns all the time and nothing changes.  
  
Crono - Quiet! This is important to the plot. Besides, it's just for one night.  
  
Lucca - But if we count all the times we sleep in this game, Lavos would have destroyed the world....TWICE!  
  
Frog - Of this Lavos I know neigh, but thine memories will be just come mornings first bathing light after a night of reflection and revelation. *ribbit*  
  
Crono - What?  
  
Frog - Ask me again tomorrow.  
  
Corno - Okay. Got it.  
  
*Middle of the night.*  
  
Frog - I cannot face mine past....  
  
*Wyane's World flash back wiggle*  
  
Cyrus - Glenn.  
  
Glenn - Cyrus  
  
Cyrus - *surprised* Magus!?!  
  
Magus - Cyrus.  
  
Glenn - *confused* Magus....!  
  
Magus - Glenn...  
  
Cyrus - *enraged* Magus!  
  
Magus - Cyrus!  
  
*fizzle*  
  
Glenn - *crying* CYRUS!  
  
Magus - Glenn!  
  
Glenn - Ribbit.  
  
*end flashback*  
  
Frog - I must avenge my dear friend Cyrus! I shall come with you Sir Crono.  
  
Crono - Huh?  
  
Frog - To destroy the vile Magus!  
  
Crono - Oh yeah. That. I forgot about him. Great! Let's go!  
  
*At the Magic Wall*  
  
Frog - Gazing at this wall of solid rock brings back memories ne'er forgoten.  
  
Lucca - How can a wall of rock bring back memories?  
  
Crono - That's pretty silly Frog.  
  
Frog - Do you want to hear my story or not?!  
  
Crono - Don't you mean "Dost thou want to here mine story or not?"  
  
Frog - Oh yes. Silly me. *ribbit*  
  
Lucca - This isn't another flashback, is it?  
  
Frog - Aye.  
  
Lucca - These always make me sick...  
  
*Flashback wiggle*  
  
Little Glenn - Everybody picks on me. I'm the only sprite with green hair.  
  
Pre-Teen Cyrus - Your such a marshmallow. You need to stand up for yourself.  
  
Little Glenn - But if I do that, then I won't have a troubled past. Then I wouldn't be a true RPG hero.  
  
Pre-Teen Cyrus - Such as little, fluffy marshmallow....hmmmmm  
  
*Flashback wiggle*  
  
Teenage Cyrus - Glenn. I've decided to join the army and become a knight. See? I already have the armor and everything!  
  
Hottie Glenn - You'll make a great knight! Your the best!  
  
Teenage Cyrus - You should join as well. Your better with a sword than I.  
  
Hottie Glenn - But I'll just fail again... like I did that time long ago... remember?  
  
*flashback wiggle*  
  
Cryus - Okay Glenn. It's the bottom ion the 9th, the bases are loaded, two outs, two strikes, and the score is tied. It's up to you my little marshmallow!  
  
Glenn - I'll do my best!  
  
Cyrus - Here's a good luck slap on the rear!  
  
Glenn - *swing*  
  
Umpire - Stike Three! Your out!  
  
Glenn - No! I failed again!  
  
Cyrus - Well....that's okay... maybe some nice noodle soap from the tavern will cheer you up.  
  
Glenn - No! Remember what happened last time we ate there?  
  
Cyrus - Oh yeah....I remember....  
  
*flashback wiggle*  
  
Glenn - There's a fly in my soup!  
  
Cyrus - Gross! Let's never eat here again!  
  
*end flashback*  
  
Frog - As thou can see, me and Cyrus were the closest of friends.  
  
Crono - A little TOO close if you ask me.  
  
Lucca - Yeah. What's with that anyway?  
  
Crono - And why did you start talking with an accent after that?  
  
Frog - It be not important! Magus must pay! Handith over the Masamune!  
  
Crono - Handiths not a word.  
  
Frog - Just doith it!  
  
*Crono places the Masamune in the soil. Frog grabs hold on the handle*  
  
Frog - Mine name is Glenn, Cyrus' hopes, dreams, and occasional boy toy!  
  
*Energy erupts from the ground as Frog leaps into the air and connects the blade with mountain, which neatly slices the rock face in two*  
  
Lucca - I can name at least three things wrong with that picture.  
  
Crono - Who cares! Frog's Theme owns!  
  
Crono and Frog, and a third member of the party, which will be Robo because he kicks ass, continue on their quest to history Magus and avenge Cyrus... which in turn leads to countless Glenn/Cyrus yoai that I rather not discuss at the moment. After some pointless battles with some bats, they arrive at Magus' Castle....  
  
Legendary Frog - Thats all!  
  
Reader - What? But the name of the chapter is Magus' Castle and all I read was how Glenn and Cyrus need to have a serious talk.  
  
LF - No it isn't... the title is "Frog's Past"  
  
Reader - No it's not!  
  
LF - Yes it is!  
  
Reader - Is not!  
  
LF - Is so!  
  
Reader - Is not!  
  
LF - Is so!  
  
Sqaull Leonhart- Quiet you two.  
  
LF - Squall? From Final Fantasy VIII?  
  
Squall - Yeah.  
  
LF - Nice to meet you!  
  
Squall - Erm...  
  
LF - You know... I liked the game and all, but that Junction crap was just plain tedious.  
  
Squall - Whatever.  
  
LF - Say, can you introduce me to Quistis? *shuffles feet* I think she's..you know... pretty and all.  
  
Squall - Just finish the chapter before I bore you to death with my inner emotions.  
  
LF - And then you'll set me up with Quisty?  
  
Squall - Sure, whatever. Just do it.  
  
LF - *smiles* Where was I... Oh yes.  
  
  
  
Frog and co (I say Frog and co because when Frog's around, Crono isn't worth the hair gel he uses) stand in front of Magus' Castle....  
  
Frog - There be Magus' Palace of Sin. Be careful.  
  
Crono - Seems big. Why is this bat following us.  
  
Frog - Bats doist that sort of thing.  
  
Robo - I will distory Magus and all that stand in my path.  
  
Frog- This be boring. Let us go inside. I bet the author hast a bunch of jokes about Flea.  
  
*walks inside*  
  
Robo - Were is the music?  
  
Crono - It adds to at atmosphere.  
  
Robo - The silence is triggering the "Terminate all life forms" protocol. *steps forward*  
  
Frog - Magus has three generals. Vinegar, Soy Sauce, and Mayonnaise.  
  
Crono - Huh?  
  
*Robo raises fist*  
  
Frog - I saidth : MAGUS HAS THREE GENERALS. VINEGAR, SOY....  
  
Crono - Dude, those are the Japanese names.  
  
*Targeting device covers Robo's eye*  
  
Frog - Oh yes. The folk over there all F*ckithed up.  
  
Crono - I think there called Ozzie, Slash and Flea.  
  
*Laser points to middle of Crono's forehead.*  
  
Frog - Like Ozzie Ozborne and Flea from the Red Hot Chilly Peppers.  
  
Crono - And whoever Slash is.  
  
Frog - Maybe the translator had a sick sense of humor.  
  
Robo - Loading complete. Prepare to die.  
  
Ozzie - Howdy!  
  
Crono - Is it just me, or did it just get fatter in here.  
  
Robo - You are interfering with my "Silence Genocide" protocol.  
  
Ozzie - You'll never stop Magus from summoning Lavos!  
  
Crono - You mean Magus summoned Lavos? I was just gonna go up there and ask him he wanted to convert to Jahova Witnesses!  
  
Robo -Does this Magus wish to history humankind as well? We must combine our efforts for maximize effectiveness.  
  
Crono - Say! That bat just transformed into a cute red headed girl!  
  
Frog - Don't let her appearances fool you, Sir Crono. That is Flea the Mage!  
  
Flea - Her? I'm a guy!  
  
Robo - Impossible. After extensive probing of the subjects known as Lucca and Marle, I can logicly conclude that you are female.  
  
Flea - Male, Female. What's the difference! Power is beauty and I've got the power!  
  
Crono - I'm sorry... do you say something? I was too busy staring at your legs.  
  
Slash -Well, if it isn't froggy lips!  
  
Frog - Sir Slush, I presume?  
  
Slash - Slush? Oh... you must have misread my name. I'm Slash.. The swordsman.  
  
Frog - Oh... I am sorry then.  
  
Slash - What do these low lives want, Flea? Are they selling vacuum cleaners?  
  
Flea - No! They want to stop Master Magus from summoning Lavos!  
  
Slash - So that's a no on the vacuum cleaners?  
  
Flea - Say robot? Can you suck up stuff?  
  
Robo - My sucking mechanism instantly vaporizes all organic matter that enters.  
  
Crono - Can we go now?  
  
Flea - Of course not! We're mini bosses, you need to fight us!  
  
Slash - that a girl, Flea!  
  
Flea - Hey, I'm a guy!  
  
Slash - Come again?  
  
Flea - I'm a man.  
  
Slash - Your WHAT? No way... you have breasts.  
  
Crono - And how!  
  
Flea - It's true!  
  
Slash- But the Christmas party...we snuck into the back room....Oh god! I thought something was wrong!  
  
Robo - You are interfering with my attempts to contact Magus. Prepare yourself for termination.  
  
insert violence here  
  
Crono - So Flea is a guy after all! Or at least he was....  
  
Frog - Good job, Golden Knight! Magus is neigh.  
  
Crono - Magus is a horse?  
  
Frog - Nay. He is neigh.  
  
Crono - Yeah, so he's like a horse, right?  
  
Frog - Nay!  
  
Robo - I believe the freak of nature means "Magus is near."  
  
Frog - Aye!  
  
Crono - I what?  
  
Frog - Aye to Neigh!  
  
Crono - Your going to neigh? Someone get a bucket or something.  
  
Frog - Enough of this silly banter. Let us continue.  
  
*At Magus' Tower*  
  
Frog - We are atop the tower.  
  
Crono - That was fast.  
  
Frog - Magus is amidst this circle of blue flames!  
  
Magus - The Dark Winds howl.  
  
Crono - Oops... sorry about that. I guess it was all that soup.  
  
Frog - Silence Magus! I come here to avenge the death of my beloved Cyrus.  
  
Magus - Oh yeah, him. So Glenn.... kiss any princesses lately? Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn't do that, would you?  
  
Frog - Bite thy tounge! We fight!  
  
Magus - *covers face with cape* If you fight with fire, your bound to get burned.  
  
Crono - Don't worry. We gave wort face so water magic before we left.  
  
Magus - Really?  
  
Frog - Aye.  
  
Magus - So I'll just use lightning magic to counteract the wetness of Frog!  
  
Crono - Then let's battle! Nu I choose you!  
  
*Nu appears from behind*  
  
Nu - Nu!  
  
Crono - Nu! Use your Fire 2 attack!  
  
Lucca â€" Nu Nu Nu!  
  
Magus - Then I'll counter your Fire 2 with Ice 2!  
  
Frog - `Tis mine battle! Step aside!  
  
*Frog throws Nu aside and begins to battle Magus*  
  
Frog - *Ribbit* Your growing weak, old man.  
  
Magus - If you strike me down then I shall become more powerful than you'll even imagine.  
  
Frog - I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit.  
  
Magus - You'll get it.  
  
Frog - I better!  
  
Magus - I rather kiss a Wookie!  
  
Frog - That's no moon....  
  
Magus - I have a bad feeling about this....  
  
Frog - I love you.  
  
Magus - I know.  
  
Crono - ....Wait a minute... what just happened.  
  
Robo - I think the author's mind is wondering.  
  
Crono - Someone slap him for me.  
  
Squall - SNAP OUT OF IT! *Slaps Legendary Frog*  
  
Crono - Thank you.  
  
Squall - Whatever.  
  
Frog - *RIBBAH!*  
  
*Frog knocks down Magus and pins him*  
  
Magus - I give up! You win! Don't kill me!  
  
Frog - You deserve to die!  
  
Crono - Hold on. Let's see who Magus REALLY is!  
  
*Crono pulls off Magus' mask*  
  
All - *gasp*  
  
Crono - Why it's Old Man Norstein Bekkler' from the fair! He was trying to summon Lavos to attract business to his guessing games!  
  
Bekkler- And I would have gotten away with it to, if it weren't for you meddling kids!  
  
Robo - I believe there is another mask.  
  
*Rips of another mask*  
  
All - *Gasp*  
  
Crono - So it wasn't Bekkler! It was Tata! He must have wanted to summon Lavos to gain his fathers trust!  
  
Frog- wait, Sir Crono. There still be a mask!  
  
*pulls off mask*  
  
All - *Gasp*  
  
Crono - Why! It's Akuma! He wanted to summon Lavos so he would be in yet another game!  
  
Robo - There is still another mask.  
  
*pulls off mask*  
  
All - *gasp*  
  
Crono - It's that cook from the Food Network that says "Bam!" all the time!  
  
Guy from the Food Network that says "Bam!" all the time - BAM!  
  
Frog - Hold on... there still be more masks...  
  
*Hours pass*  
  
All - .........*.....gasp......*  
  
Crono - Oh...it really was Magus after all.  
  
Magus - You fools! You ruined everything. Lavos awakens!  
  
Crono - You mean you didn't create Lavos! You lied to us!  
  
Magus - Lavos comes!  
  
Crono - That's one big Gate!  
  
Nu â€" NU!!  
  
  
  
So Crono and his friends, as well as Magus, are sucked up into the Gate that the improperly summoned Lavos create. They end up back in pre-historic times, but do to the powers of the Plot Device and Mr. Irony, Magus ends up back in his old home of Zeal. While there he pretends to be a traveling prophet and meets up with his younger self; Thus causing a paradox which in turn creates a spacial time rift that causes the destruction of the entire universe!!!!!!!!!  
  
Or maybe it causes all the VCRs to blink 12:00... I forget which one.  
  
Legendary Frog - The End. Now, where's Quistis?  
  
Squall - She's in the back.  
  
LF - Then go get her.  
  
Squall - Keep you pants on.  
  
LF - I am, that's why you need to hurry up!  
  
Squall - Here she is.  
  
Rinoa - Hi!  
  
LF - HEY! That's Rinoa! I want Quistis!  
  
Squall - But don't you find her carefree spirit fascinating?  
  
LF - Yeah... up until Disc 2. So no Quistis?  
  
Squall - I'm afraid not.  
  
LF - What about Selphie?  
  
Squall - Nope.  
  
LF - Damn.  
  
Rinoa- Let out your feelings, Joey. I am too serious about my mission! I can do it! I can't fight! I'm scared!  
  
LF - Please end this now....  
  
  
  
by Joseph Blanchette  
  
aka "Legendary Frog"  
  
01/01/02  
  
-end document- 


End file.
